According to studies, half of CEOs report feeling lonely, and of these, 61% report that feeling lonely has an impact on their performance. It also impacts their well-being and mental health. This year’s theme for Mental Health Awareness Week is loneliness, so we’d like to devote our post to discussing how lonely it can be at the top.

Who has invited the boss?

Many leaders are making mental health and well-being a priority for their employees, which is obviously a great thing. Creating a culture of caring for employees is essential, and many companies are investing resources to promote team-building activities, building great offices to incentivise collaboration and teamwork, and other perks and benefits in order to create a sense of belonging for people in their teams. 

However, while leaders devote time to creating a healthy and positive environment for their people, they do not always reap the benefits. Many leaders are now reporting a sense of loneliness, especially on occasions such as team lunches and not being invited. 

Furthermore, even if you are the lucky one invited to lunch, how authentic and comfortable really is the situation?

An executive stated: “They’re stressed about being with the boss, and that generates a certain distance. I think for them, it’s important to have a space to be relaxed, and when the boss is present, they’re not relaxed.”

Even if you build a great relationship with everyone on your team based on trust and authenticity, the reality is that there will always be a difference since you are the one who has to make the tough decisions. This is another reason why leaders report feeling lonely. They admit that being close to subordinates can result in making these decisions even harder. 

Don’t go it alone

Admitting to stress, mental health issues or even feeling lonely is not easy for anyone, but it becomes even more challenging when you are the person that everyone looks up to. 

Read our post “What I have learned about stress and mental health since quitting rugby – By Ollie Phillips” here.

Cultivating a culture of trust and authenticity requires being honest and vulnerable with others. However, there are still many challenges and circumstances that a leader cannot communicate to others, whether because of confidentiality issues or because they do not want to alarm and bring others down.

It’s also crucial to remember that leaders are looked up to not only by their teams but also by their boards of directors or investors, who seek answers.

“The Board usually thinks that I should know everything and anything about the organisation and that’s impossible. Sometimes I get frustrated with what they say. With whom can I share this with? I cannot say this to anyone, because this is about my relationship with my superiors, and also, I cannot share organisational issues. I have to deal with it on my own.” – mentioned another executive in the study. 

In addition, leaders in large and medium organisations are not the only ones who feel lonely; entrepreneurs and founders must also be considered.

Starting your own business is exciting, but it also presents many challenges. We know that building a successful business can be daunting at times. It takes time and effort, and most of the time (at least at the beginning), you don’t have the support of a team around you. It also makes it even more difficult to disconnect, as you’re living and breathing the business 24/7.  

Fortunately, most entrepreneurs have a greater sense of purpose, an invaluable strength to help fight loneliness. 

Having a purpose can help you feel less lonely 

Having a purpose has been shown to reduce stress and improve mental health. Additionally, studies show that helping others can help reduce loneliness and isolation and enhance our sense of purpose. So why not take advantage of the very thing that makes you feel lonely and use it to build connections and purpose?

“In the face of adversity, people with a stronger sense of purpose in life tend to be more resilient because they have a clear sense of goals that motivate actions that are aligned with personal values,” says Yoona Kang, PhD, lead author and a Research Director of the Communication Neuroscience Lab.

Whether you are an entrepreneur or a senior leader in a big organisation, you could potentially use your experience and knowledge to help others by becoming a lecturer, a teacher or a mentor. This allows you not only to benefit from helping others but also to create more meaningful and deeper connections that will in turn help alleviate your feeling of loneliness too. 

“As a teacher or mentor, I can share the lessons that I have learned with no negative consequences.”

Many aspiring leaders seek mentors who can answer their questions and whom they may look up to. Furthermore, it doesn’t necessarily mean investing a great deal of time; the important thing is to find a structure that benefits both of you. 

Why do leaders feel lonely even while surrounded by people?

We can feel lonely while surrounded by people and be absolutely content by ourselves. The difference is in the connections, so even though leaders spend a lot of time surrounded by people at dinners, social gatherings, and so on, that doesn’t guarantee the interactions are significant enough to produce a sense of connection, hence exacerbating loneliness. This is where developing stronger bonds with your mentees can be advantageous, but time management is also necessary.

Leaders spend most of their working week in meetings, and we must also factor in the amount of work-related social duties they have to fulfil. All of this takes up the majority of their free time, which isn’t spent with individuals who could help them feel less lonely and disconnected.

Leaders of large corporations, entrepreneurs, and founders also work longer hours, which means they are devoting time away from their personal lives to work. As a result, their work-life balance, mental health, and stress are all affected.

So while the top job may seem great from the outside and it’s a goal for many people, it’s important to consider that it comes with many sacrifices too. That said, we’re not trying to discourage people from aiming high; the reminder here is to take time to reflect on the price of success and how best to protect your mental health and well-being at the top. 

The Optimist view…

While it may appear that feeling lonely is an inevitable component of the top job, it doesn’t have to be. Fortunately, there are a variety of resources available to help leaders access the support and connections they need to flourish.

Whether you’re a big company executive, an entrepreneur or a start-up founder, there are plenty of networking groups and events where you can meet individuals in similar situations.

You can also get help from others who have been in your shoes. We’ve already discussed how being a mentor can be beneficial, but you can also find a mentor for yourself — someone who has “been there, done that” and who can provide a sympathetic and supportive ear. 

Last but not least, you can hire a coach to act as a sounding board and confidant. Having a coach is beneficial not only because you have someone with whom you can share your thoughts, issues, and concerns but also because it allows you to devote a specific amount of time to yourself.

Our coaches at Optimist Performance have been there, and they understand how valuable an empathetic ear and a trustworthy relationship can be, not only in terms of professional development but also in terms of mental health and wellbeing. Our goal is to help people reach their greatest potential, and we realise that feeling alone won’t help you get there, so we offer the support and guidance you need to succeed.

Get in touch with us today and find out how our executive coaching can help you. 

The post Who cares if leaders feel lonely? – by Optimist Performance appeared first on Optimist Performance.

The topic of mental health and stress should not be taboo. We should feel empowered to be open when it comes to verbalising issues surrounding our mental health – particularly if it occurs in the workplace. In 2021, there were an estimated 882,000 workers affected by mental health within the workplace in the UK. 

Often, change can be the corkscrew for stress to arise. I found that when I retired from a professional rugby career at the age of 29, it seemed to leave a big old mark!

Quitting rugby has a big impact on my mental health 

Rugby had been my life since I could walk. It had consumed so much of me, and I am grateful for every experience. Much of what I knew was training, playing and thankfully a lot of the time…winning! Don’t get me wrong, playing sport at any level is stressful, let alone internationally! 

Stepping away from the sport left me feeling as if I was lost and I soon realised that the way I dealt with issues in rugby, did not translate to the corporate world. 

After entering the workforce and being faced with intense imposter syndrome, I too, along with many other workers developed an immense amount of stress with my new job. I felt as if I had no purpose, and I was uncomfortable with the way my life was panning out. Yet – I knew I couldn’t just let this get the better of me. I knew I had to better understand myself and be more productive if I wanted to stop feeling like this. 

Here, I have also penned some thoughts on how leaders can help with work-related stress: https://www.optimistperformance.com/captains-blog/news/how-can-leaders-help-with-work-related-stress-by-optimist-performance/ 

“When I realised, I was struggling, I decided to seek therapy.”

I understand that the way to work with mental health issues is to address them head-on – and understand where these issues derive from. When I realised, I was struggling, I decided to seek therapy. This would be one of the best decisions I would ever make. 

Just as walking away from rugby felt like it left a major hold in my life, you too may also in your life feel as if you are searching for a purpose. Struggling with mental health is something many of us will struggle with and we can all benefit from seeking to improve it. 

Distractions can be a haven, climbing Mount Kilimanjaro and Everest, and raising money for charity in the process was something I enjoyed outside of rugby – thus keeping my mind at ease. These were major factors in the founding of my leadership and behavioural change business. 

But when we talk about stress, everyone views it as a negative. I recently wrote about Eustress and the ability to use stress positively. I was able to do that throughout my playing career, and even now professionally, a large part down to my mindset. I didn’t always get it right, but when I did, stress was such a powerful tool!

Take a look at my blog on Eustress here: https://www.optimistperformance.com/captains-blog/news/why-you-shouldnt-completely-avoid-stress-by-optimist-performance/ 

 An attitude of Gratitude

I have spoken previously about the idea of the eternal optimist. This idea stems from a serious attitude of taking gratitude for everything life throws your way.

Good days, we make memories from. Bad days – we learn and take experience from. Being appreciative of life itself, using the days that often leave us stressed or anxious as lessons. Also, understanding that living the ‘perfect life’ is virtually impossible. This way of thinking set out the idea of my company ‘Optimist Performance’.

Looking back, I learned a lot from change and transition – despite that being the same thing that kickstarted my struggles. Yet – I see that as the lesson, as I said – taking gratitude in everything.

“Attitude of Gratitude” as a mantra has really helped me. It offers perspective on everything and has helped me deal with much of the stress I have had to deal with. 

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