Contrary to the airbrushed and edited curations of Instagram influencers, life and work can be messy. Best laid plans can be brought down in seconds when life throws a curveball your way.

Comparing your insides to other people’s outsides can lead to some profoundly unpleasant psychological discomforts. As well as FOMO (fear of missing out), these can also include dissatisfaction, frustration and perceptions of inability – all categorised as deficiencies of the self. They are all types of suffering that stem from a non-physical origin. The bad news is that they are also widely believed to be an inescapable aspect of being human.

While physical pain is often localised and frequently explainable through injury or disease, psychological discomfort is harder to define and describe. It includes a range of subjective experiences, which are all characterised by an awareness of negative changes in the self and functions accompanied by negative feelings.

Psychological discomfort appears ingrained within the human condition but changing our mindset to stress is one way of turning a negative experience into useful lessons. This can help us to build a sense of resilience and even wisdom for when life throws you the next lemon. 

I’ve previously written that we make memories from the good days, but we can also flip the experience of a bad day on its head and reflect on the learning that we’ve gained from it. You can read more about eustress, a positive perception which can help us to use stress as something that can be beneficial to us, in the Optimist Performance’s blog.

The Optimist View…

Finding the meaning or reason behind a stressful situation and gaining a motivation or lesson from it isn’t easy, but it does provide a pathway that can help you move forward and push past those feelings of discomfort.

An “attitude of gratitude” remains the mantra I live by and is still something I am cultivating. It will always be a work in progress… and I’m comfortable knowing that it’ll never be perfect.

If you feel like you sometimes need that critical friend to help you gain perspective and find your way, get in touch with us today and learn more about our Optimist Coaching.

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The Tokyo Olympic Games has been an exhibition of examples that, in our opinion, help to demonstrate great coaching. 

It’s tough times that define us, and certainly, the support, advice and counsel that coaches such as Cecil Canqueteu-Landi or Mel Marshall have shown to athletes such as Simonne Biles and Adam Peaty has helped define them as great coaches. 

All these examples demonstrate that coaching is not only about performance; in fact, they show that the main concern for a coach must be about the people they coach. 

Pictures like the one of Landi and Biles after the latter won bronze speak for themselves. As the saying goes, an image is worth a thousand words, and this one reveals how much they care for each other. 

And the thing is that if you spend as much time together as a coach spends coaching an elite athlete, they are not just a coach; they are almost part of the family, at least the great ones. And for some, they are actually family, being the case of Jade Carey and his father and coach, Brian Carey.

What makes a great coach?

Depending on who you ask, the answer may vary, but for us, some of the most essential qualities of a great coach are:

The ability to inspire. A great coach must be able to motivate and inspire the people they coach. 

We all are capable of achieving something amazing, but first, we need to be extremely motivated to do it. Otherwise, it will be difficult to put in all the effort that great results require. 

The ability to build trust. Any relationship between a coach and a coachee, whatever the coachee may be, needs to be based on trust. 

Can you imagine what the situation would be like if Biles or Peaty didn’t trust their coaches to support and guide them through these tough moments?

And trust is not only between the athlete and coach but also between the people around them. For example, Peaty’s mum knows that she can trust Mel Marshall to look out for her son. 

And she demonstrated how much she trusts her when she said, “He’ll definitely miss the pool, and within a few weeks, he’ll be itching to get back in, but Mel is very strict; he’s not allowed to.”

Nurture. It’s not only in tough moments when coaches need to focus on the wellbeing of the people they are coaching. Sometimes, even more so at the elite end of sport, people may be pushing too hard, and it’s the coach’s job to always make well-being and health a priority. 

Focus on learning and development. A great coach should always invest time and effort into learning and development. This is just as important for the coach as for the coachee. It’s by focusing on our own development that we can evolve and grow. 

Adaptability. As we’ve seen, everything can change, and coaches need to be able to adapt and thrive through change.

A good example of this was when the Olympics games were postponed a year until 2021 due to Covid. Coaches and athletes had been preparing for four years for this event; they had a plan and a structure, and suddenly all that changed.

“We’ve had to plan differently: we’ve had to plan and then re-plan and then re-plan”, said Mel Marshall when asking about how this change has impacted them. 

But we think, above all, the most important quality of being a great coach is “people first”. At the end of the day, they are dealing with human beings who are under a lot of pressure, and they need to always keep in mind that behind the great athlete, there is a person who needs to be at his or her best in order to perform. 

As Russell Earnshaw said, “coaching is about understanding where people are at and supporting them to move forward and grow.” 

A person-centred coach

The person-centred approach to coaching was developed as a new form of therapy in the 1940s by Carl Rogers. He called it “non-directive therapy”. 

The idea was that people were the best experts of their own lives, and therefore the therapist should follow the client’s lead. 

In the 1950s, Rogers renamed the approach “client-centred therapy”. It wasn’t until the 2000s that personal/private coaching and mentoring started to gain traction, and people began to recognise the real value that it had to offer them and their personal performance.

The way we understand it, a client-centred approach to coaching has three essential components:

Listening. The first and probably most important one is listening with empathy and without judgment. 

Using the example of Biles, the athlete was the one who decided she needed the time off, and the coach was there to listen. 

No one knows how we feel better than ourselves, and Biles knew she needed time to focus on her mental health. The job of the coach is both to listen and avoid judgement.  

Any athlete or person who is working with a coach will trust their judgement, which means it could have a negative impact on them if they felt that the people they trusted the most were judging them and their decisions. 

Read more about Active Listening here. 

Supporting. The second component is support, because, as we all have seen, it’s pretty difficult to make these types of decisions, and it always comes with consequences. But it’s always the job of the coach to support their people. 

Guidance. The third step is guidance. While the only person who can do the work is the person who takes the break, the coach must be there to provide the support and guidance needed during these tough periods. 

For us, this approach is also based on the premise that the focus is on the person and not the performance.

As Wayne Goldsmith says, “Athletes are only athletes for an hour or two at most each day. For the other 22-23 hours each day, they are human beings. Many coaches concentrate on preparing the athlete to perform: the great ones prepare the human being to be all they can be, then; as a result, the athlete will perform.”

Considering how big an event like the Olympic games is, it can be challenging for an athlete or a coach to prioritise health, but as Biles replied when asked about her goals for the games,

“To focus on my well-being. There is more to life than just gymnastics”.She also said, “We’re not just athletes. We are people at the end of the day, so we have to focus on that.”

The Optimist View…

For us, a great coach shares a lot with a great leader. Both need to know and understand the people they coach or lead, recognise their strengths and weaknesses, whilst building trust and nurturing long-term relationships, with a continual reminder that it’s people first. 

Whether you are coaching an Olympic athlete, an executive, or leading a team, the priority must always be the person behind the performance. This is also our approach in our executive coaching programmes. 

Learn more about our executive coaching here. 

This week we have seen great examples of what support looks like. And surely, these great athletes will find not only the support but the guidance they need, the time off to recover and focus on their mental health, to ensure that they come back full of energy and strength to demonstrate once again how great a performer they are.

Read our post “What I’ve learned about mental health since quitting rugby – By Ollie Phillips” here.

If you are wondering if you need a coach and how it may help you, get in touch with us today and book a free touchpoint first call with one of our coaches. This is an opportunity for you to explore how we can help you achieve your goals and fulfil your potential.

The post Is coaching all about performance? – By Optimist Performance appeared first on Optimist Performance.

So, what is active listening? It’s a two-way communication process. Actively listening is not just to hear but to understand, interpret and evaluate what we hear.

The majority of us think that we are good listeners, but the reality may be different. As a norm, we only retain about 17 to 25% of the information we receive. 

And as Stephen R. Covey said, “Most people do not listen with the intent to understand; they listen with the intent to reply.”

First, it’s helpful to differentiate between 3 types of listening and understand that whichever one you use will affect the outcome.

Passive listening: It means indifferent listening. It’s just a bit more than hearing. We are not making an asserted effort to understand or even respond to the message in any way. 

Selective listening: We only pay attention to the part of the message that we are interested in or the position we agree with. 

Active listening: Active listening means that the listener is making a conscious effort to understand the message, participate, and show regard for the speaker. Through this type of listening, we can better understand the message, which helps us remember it too. 

Why is active listening important?

We already mentioned some benefits for the listener above, but active listening also has enormous benefits for the speaker. So, this might be the people in your teams and organisation. 

Consider active listening as a form of communication in itself. Focusing all your attention on listening to others is a way of communicating that you care about them and value their opinions and ideas. 

And feeling heard and valued is a significant factor of employee engagement. 

“Employees who feel heard are 4.6x more likely to feel empowered to do their best work.”

Furthermore, it can improve creativity and innovation. In a dynamic world where everything is rapidly changing, innovation and creativity are more crucial than ever. And it may surprise you, but 82% of employees have ideas about how their company can improve according to research. But, unfortunately, many of these ideas will never be heard because people don’t think their employees will listen. 

How can we improve our active listening skills?

There are many tips we can use to improve our active listening. Let’s differentiate three types: behaviours, responses, and self-awareness. 

Behaviours: 

Actions speak louder than words, which is why our behaviours play a big part in active listening. These are some of the things we can do to improve our listening skills. 

Remove distractions. To actively listen, we need to focus all our attention on the speaker, so we can’t multitask. This means removing all distractions (notifications, noises, etc.). For example, you probably know how distracting and frustrating it can be to talk to someone who keeps looking at their phone. 

As Scott Peck said, “You cannot truly listen to anyone and do anything else at the same time.”

Non-verbal signs. These are simple but powerful behaviours when it comes to communication. For example, maintaining eye contact, smiling, or nodding your head to demonstrate you’re paying attention and adjusting your posture to appear open and positive are some things that will help your listening skills. 

All these behaviours are important to demonstrate interest, but they are not a substitute. The interest must be genuine. 

As Michael P. Nichols said, “There’s a big difference between showing interest and really taking interest.”

Non-verbal communication goes both ways.  Active listening is not only about the words but about all forms of communication. The speaker’s body language can give you more information too. For example, if the speaker is acting anxious, this could mean they don’t feel comfortable. 

Responses:

Active listening is a two-way communication process that requires some kind of response on your part too. The crucial point, however, is to adapt those responses to the speaker and the situation. 

Choose the right time to speak. Our focus is on listening, so we should never interrupt to impose our opinion. Choosing the right time is half the battle. 

Ask the right questions. While listening, you should also ask questions that help you understand the message better and enhance the communication process. 

Summarise and offer brief responses during the conversation. For example, a simple “yeah, it makes sense” tells the speaker that you’re paying attention. 

Acknowledge your feelings and others too. Sometimes the message can be misunderstood; for example, some messages can be taken as personal or offensive. Whilst actively listening, it is essential that we acknowledge these types of feelings and emotions. 

Self-awareness:

Even if we intend to listen fully, our minds most of the time have other plans. They are always wandering. Sometimes it’s about what’s being said, or if we agree or disagree, and maybe we are thinking about our response. 

But to actively listen, we need to quiet our minds and put our full attention into receiving the message.

As Bryant H. McGill said, “One of the most sincere forms of respect is actually listening to what another has to say.”

Be aware of your thoughts. Try to be as mindful as possible during your conversations. Of course, there will always be thoughts coming to your mind, but consciously choosing to be aware of them makes it easier for you to realise when they come and to go back to actively listening. 

Prepare for active listening. Like any other learning experience, understanding why we want to improve is essential to commit to the process. If you fully understand the benefits of active listening and why you’re motivated to improve this skill, it will make it easier to overcome the challenges along the way. 

The Optimist View…

Active listening is a big part of good communication, which is the foundation to building a healthy environment. Through authentic and open communication, we build trust, connections and deeper relationships. 

Fortunately, listening is a skill that we all can learn and improve; we only need to be willing to make an effort. 

The good thing is that you don’t need to do it by yourself. At Optimist Performance, we help leaders to develop and maximise their leadership skills, including communication.  

If you would like to know more about how we can help you, get in touch with us for a free consultation. You can also learn more about our executive coaching here. 

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